I became a wellness coach. Read all about it here: GO AHEAD 🙂
That’s where all the goods will be posted from now on.
Yep, you read it right.
Maaaaybe I’m stringing you along, but that’s essentially what almost happened!
I have LinkedIn like a lot of people, but I hardly use it [like a lot of people]. I was on a massive job hunt and decided to put it to use, as I was serious about finding another job. I upgraded to the premium subscription and got the advanced messaging features to reach out to potential employers. I only intended to use it for the free trial. I ALMOST didn’t unsubscribe in time and would have had to pay $299 for the subscription! Granted, I’m sure that’s the yearly rate, but fuck [ha BUTTfuck].
I don’t know about you, but I don’t think it’s worth $299 to have a few extra features and visibility. Do you think the price is too steep, as well? That’s about 25 bucks per month which is how much I pay for Netflix and Spotify family plan combined. I use those programs every day! Geez…Needless to say I had a major heart attack.
I have messed up dreams every once in a while, but last night’s was most peculiar. I can’t get the image out of my head! I can’t remember most of it, per usual, but the part I do remember will probably haunt me in my sleep again tonight.
It was my oldest sister (age 36 FYI).
And a man.
Not like that, though.
There was this guy laying on a bed in a corner of a very large room. It looked like a large living room of sorts. I think my other sisters and my mom were in this living room with me. I get the feeling that we all knew where my oldest sister was, but no one said anything.
All of a sudden, my oldest sister’s head popped out of the man as if he was giving birth to her!
Shoulders, breasts, stomach, legs, feet…she was out!
Yall, she popped out of there and turned to us and said “hey, what’s up, everybody”. He gave birth to my full grown sister. Then he started pushing on his stomach, which was now gaping open, as if he was trying to close it back together. We all stared at my sister.
Naked. Glossy with some kind of body juice [gag].
It was like we all knew she was incubating or something inside of him. And we knew it was a daily thing, somewhat of a romantic gesture between him and her where she would crawl inside and sleep there or something, and he would push her out after.
That’s all I remember, unfortunately [or maybe fortunately]. Don’t ask me what the hell it means, because I really don’t have a clue about this one. Take a shot at interpreting it if you want, and leave your ideas in a comment if you’re feeling bold! C’mon. Entertain me.
[Post per request of a very loyal subscriber]
Having a baby really starts before conception. Getting mentally (and financially) ready to bring a new soul into this world is a huge deal. Honestly, there is not enough preparing in the world you could do to be “ready” for it, especially your first child. I don’t know what it’s like to prepare for a second or third child since Amora is my first.
Johnny and I knew we were going to have kids at some point, and we were emotionally at that point in our relationship. The person you choose to have children with is definitely an “all or nothing” decision because you can’t change that afterwards. Once a baby’s mama/daddy, always that baby’s mama/daddy! As silly as that sounds, it’s true lol! If you are in love with them and believe they will be the parent you are looking for, you’re on the right track. If your partner already has kids, I don’t think that will lessen the experience you’ll have with your own. Every baby is different. What may have worked with their kids may not work for yours. Knowing how to change diapers and warm a bottle are the bare bare essentials to know before having a baby. The sleepless nights you’ll spend together, the doctor visits, the labor and delivery experience, the birthday party preparations, the first words and steps your baby takes are all things that will be special and unique to the baby yall created together. Knowing how to burp a baby won’t change that.
I don’t personally know what it’s like to date someone who has kids of their own, so I am blind to the jealousy issues. I feel like it can sometimes be directed depending on how you approach the situation. Talk about how they would feel if you and your partner were to have a kid. I think a lot of times, kids get jealous when the baby is just sprung on them like “BOOM YOUR A BIG BRO/SIS HOPE YOU LOVE IT!”. A lot of times that can’t be avoided because they didn’t know they were going to get pregnant. That’s understandable, but if you’re planning a baby, go ahead and plan with the existing children, too. Include them in the preparations, get their thoughts, and maybe when it comes time to conceive, they’ll take it better.
Once everyone is on board with having a baby, GET PREGNANT! Pregnancy varies greatly from woman to woman. Mine was easier than most, I’ve been told. I didn’t really get morning sickness. I would just feel like shit in the middle of the day sometimes. There were some days I felt awful and some days I didn’t even feel like I was pregnant. As it got near the end of my pregnancy, I got very uncomfortable as most pregnant women do. Climbing into bed was a workout, “comfortable” was not a word in my vocabulary, and I was just so big and ready to get her out of me lol! Then the time came …
We went to the doc for my weekly appointment. I was 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant. It had been a little over 2 weeks since my doctor had seen me; she was out for an emergency the week before. She told me at my last appointment that she wanted me to get an ultrasound to check on Amora’s growth to make sure she wasn’t getting too big and to check on her position. Since she was out the week before, I got another ultrasound during this appointment. During the ultrasound, we saw that I had too much amniotic fluid in my belly, and she was measuring out to be an 8 pound baby. This meant 2 things: 1. having too much amniotic fluid can complicate labor and delivery since the baby can’t properly push down on the cervix to dilate (they’re essentially floating), and 2. I have a narrow pelvis which isn’t optimal for pushing out an 8 pound baby. On top of all that, I had already been having contractions for the past month. I assumed these were Braxton Hicks, but later find out that I was one contracting mother f….
My doc is amazing and very cautious and thorough. She told us to go home, shower and what not, grab our bags and come back to the hospital so I can be checked out. Depending on the results, she would admit me to the hospital. We did as we were told; went home to shower, grabbed our things, and went back to the hospital. Who knew things would just pop off like that?! It was crazy. Johnny and I went to triage where I got changed into the infamous hospital gown and hooked up to the contraction and baby monitor. I was having contractions every 2 to 3 minutes! They weren’t painful to me, so I was confused. Some contractions were rougher than others, but I thought “if this is labor, shit, I got this in the baaaag”.
Based on my contractions and results from all the check up stuff, she decided to admit me to the hospital. Little did we know, we would have our daughter soon…but not too soon!
It took a while to get a room. Seemed like everyone wanted to have a baby that night! We finally got our room about 2 hours after being checked in to triage [triage is basically a shared labor room where pregnant women get hooked up and their contractions and the baby’s heart rate are monitored]. We got settled and the nurse gave me some drugs to help me sleep. My doc and I had discussed that she would give me Cervadil the next day to soften my cervix to help me dilate. I hadn’t dilated at all at that point.
The morning came, and I was asking for the Cervadil, but the nurse gave me a different game plan. She said that I was going to be induced with Pitocin to really get my labor going. I heard and read about Pitocin, so I was not excited about this at all. Contractions that are induced by Pitocin are like hell contractions. They hurt worse than natural contractions. I told her my doc and I discussed Cervadil, not Pitocin. They called my doc, and she came to see me to talk about things. She explained that since I was contracting so much, I couldn’t get the Cervadil and that Pitocin was the best option at this point. I trust my doc, so I agreed. She told me it would be a low dose. She said if it took more than a day, it didn’t matter. I liked that she was so patient!
So I got the Pitocin… The contractions were coming harder and I only dilated about half a cm by the end of the day. My doc came in my room to talk to me again and we made another game plan. I would get a break and be unhooked from everything. I could take a shower and eat. EAT! By the way, I wasn’t able to eat anything since I first checked into triage the night before. We would try again the next day with more aggressive Pitocin and other options like inserting a balloon, breaking my water, etc.
Morning came again (now my 3rd day in the hospital), and I was juiced up on Pitocin once more. My nurse made me do some aggressive labor exercises. Around 2 or 3pm, my water broke on its own! My doctor was going to break it that afternoon if it didn’t bust on its own, so that was great! It was definitely obvious that I had a lot of fluid in me. It was a water show. Gush after gush. And when I thought it was over, a few minutes later even MORE would come out! It was gross lol. After that, the contractions went from a level 6 to 30. My breathing and ball exercises were key. Having Johnny there to coach/guide me through it was detrimental, as well. I continued to labor for several more hours. My cervix was checked, and I only dilated to 3 cms. We had been trying and trying but Amora just couldn’t/wouldn’t push down and help me dilate. I got an epidural and was prepped for a csection. I really wanted to push my baby out, but at that point, I was just ready to get her out safely. After your water breaks, you’re pretty much on the clock and have a limited time to get them out before risking infection and such.
I was wheeled to the OR with Johnny by my side. My lower body was numb but I could still wiggle my toes, move my foot, etc. I just couldn’t feel shit. I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I would be about getting the csection. I just kept thinking about finally meeting our baby. When they pulled her out and we heard her beautiful cry, it was an amazing moment we shared. They got her vitals, swaddled her, and brought her to my face. When our cheeks touched, it was the greatest feeling in the world; best moment of my life. She was so warm and tender, I could cry every time I think about it. Johnny and Amora left while I got sewn and glued back together.
From then, it was about my recovery. almost exactly 24 hours after my surgery, I went into shock and had a withdrawal from the anesthesia. I ran a fever and was shaking. Johnny noticed I wasn’t ok and called the nurse in. She didn’t check my vitals or anything before she gave me pain pills, milk of magnesia, and a suppository to make me poop. Johnny insisted that she check my vitals because I wasn’t looking good. She saw I had a fever and was like “oh fuck”. She called my doc (it was about 1 or 2 in the morning) and told her what was going on with me but failed to tell her what drugs/meds she had already given me. My doc ordered her to give me antibiotics, get bloodwork, xrays, and other meds immediately. After I got all of the tests done and the drugs and antibiotics hooked up, I started feeling better. I ended up pooping my brains out because of what the nurse gave me. I later find out, after talking to another nurse, that she shouldn’t have given me the stuff she did. After I pooped, I ate some food and my stomach cramped up almost instantly. Gas and stomach pains right after a csection are like cruel and unusual punishment. I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy. I was crying and in so much pain. I literally thought I was going to die. I felt awful. As the days passed, things got easier and I was able to slowly walk. I was discharged from the hospital 3 days after surgery.
The recovery at home was better/more comfortable. It was still hard. I had to have someone with me for the first week or so since I could hardly move around easy. The main thing was having my super supportive Johnny by my side the whole time. I couldn’t have done it without him. My mom and sister also came to help me take care of Amora which helped a lot.
Now here I am, 4 weeks postpartum, and I feel a million times better. I still feel some pains depending on how active I am or if I move the wrong way, but it’s much much better. It was definitely an experience I will never forget. Laboring for 3 days just to have a csection…I was exhausted! And waking up every 2 hours because I was her food source with breastfeeding was the icing on the cake. My body was pushed to the limit. I truly appreciate my body and found out how strong I really am. Everyone’s situation and experience is different, but that was mine. I didn’t get EVERY single detail in there, but that was the meat and potatoes. Still detailed. It sucked ass, but it didn’t discourage me from having more kids. At the end of the day, I have an amazing little girl who makes every day worth it. My little sunshine.
Oh my F*ck, right?!
I did it, guys. I gave life. I didn’t get to push her out; had to have a c-section. The recovery from that is no joke. But I have a beautiful baby girl who laughs, makes funny faces, and sneezes in my face.
I went through some emotional stuff in that hospital. I couldn’t have made up the experience. I’ll have to write about it some other time [I have to pump some milk then taking a walk with Amora!]. Bottom line: everyone’s birth experience is different and has meaning. It took me a long time to accept having a c-section. I labored for 3 days before having her. Then afterwards, the mental roller-coaster of postpartum was insane. Your hormones try to figure themselves out while you try to figure out how to take care of this small human being.
WTF, mother nature…wtf…
Like I said, it was a roller-coaster. It’s still a bit of a ride, even today. But it’s a lot more enjoyable rather than the “omg I’m going to pee, shit, and vomit all at the same time” type of feeling. I am unbelievably happy and so in love with both my daughter and fiancee. I had no idea I could love him more, but seeing him be a dad is something I was not emotionally ready for. That shit is amazing. He is literally, figuratively, unimaginably perfect. He may not be able to tell in between my comments about how he’s supposed to adjust her diaper or do something a certain way, but he’s honestly amazing. I’m just a
bitch bit aggressive.
Check out my little goon.
So I’ll make this one a little short, because I have some business to tend to [laying on the couch watching tv and eating popsicles].
Yesterday was my first coupon trip to CVS and Walgreens! I had been wanting to get some use out of coupons for a while, and I finally did it! It wasn’t anything crazy, but I saved a good chunk of dough and got products Johnny and I would actually use.
3 pantene shampoo/conditioner