Sometimes people like to say, “oh I get it” and “yea girl, I hear you”, but they have no f*ckin idea what they’re talking about. How could they understand when you feel like a complete disappointment because both you and your kids have worn the same clothes for the past 3 days, and you barely remember to brush your own teeth?
I’m not saying none of them get it, but some of these broads are out here looking like magazine articles, putting up fronts, and acting like being a mom is cupcakes and roses.
Well, it’s not. More like shitty blowouts and weird mom rage.
I have a hard time accepting those moments of intense rage when I tell my 3 year old daughter to stop doing something to her 1 year old bro or to just be quiet while I’m on a conference call. I lash out and scream and am then filled with an unforgettable guilt for the way I behaved. I literally have a lump in my throat as I write this; how terribly was I?!
I told my husband and best friend about it, and they both assured me I wasn’t acting unreasonable and I should forgive myself. I still feel terrible, though! I’m supposed to be this knight-ess in shining armor for them; showering them with love, happiness, and got damn rainbows. How can I feel so dark inside sometimes?
It’s because…it’s normal. It really is. Being a mom doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, it means you have to deal with the irrational emotions and weird feelings sometimes. I have never once thought about harming my kids, but I have been so over-exhausted and blown out, I called my husband and told him I feel like just walking out of the house and waiting for him to get home. Of course I didn’t and wouldn’t do anything to put them in a bad or dangerous position. My point is that if you feel or think something that makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone and not abnormal. Of course if you feel like you might actually do those things, then talk to someone about it.
These are the things people don’t tell you when you’re pregnant. They tell you about the fun shit. Well, here’s the real: You’re going to be dirty. Angry. Confused. Proud. Tired. Tired. & f*ckin tired. Sad. Anxious. Terrified. Honored. Frustrated. Insecure. But above all, you’ll be so in love with the little creatures you created.
So put that hair up, pour that glass of wine, and let the day pass. You’ll get through it. At the end of the day, you always pull through. When it’s too much to take, lay the baby in the crib and take a breather. Or give your toddler a tablet or your cell phone for at least 20 mins of quiet time for you. Do what you have to do for your own sanity. Have someone babysit this weekend and GET OUT THE HOUSE.