I’ll keep singing the same song until the words don’t exist anymore. It’s a feeling instead of a melody.
And I’ll stare at myself in the mirror until the features of my face aren’t clear anymore. I’m a mass of energy.
I’ll run until my legs give way and I can’t go any further. It’s mind over matter.
And I’ll laugh until my stomach hurts until it’s not even funny anymore. It’s worth every second.
I’ll eat cheese until I’m not lactose intolerant anymore. Well, that’s never going to happen.
And I’ll write and write and write until I can’t think anymore. I want to document even the dumb things.
I’ll cry because someone hurt me emotionally until I don’t care about them anymore. It’s hard to separate the action from the actor.
And I’ll go out of my way to make someone else happy until they don’t appreciate it anymore. I do know my worth.
I’ll fake a smile until it’s not fake anymore. I believe in growth and forgiving.
And I’ll admit when I’m wrong until I’m not wrong anymore. It’s just as wrong to not recognize when someone is admitting fault.
I’ll wear my clothes until they don’t fit anymore. I like to shop but wasting clothes is DUMB.
And I’ll cuss like a sailor until I can’t cuss any more. Bad habit, but fuck.
I’ll read books until I fall asleep. Nerds need sleep too.
And I’ll forget things sometimes until you tell me how important is for me to remember. I can only be so awesome.
But I’ll love for the rest of my life. May it be a person, place, thing, or idea. The action of loving will wake me up each morning. The action of loving will take me to my last breath. It’ll take me on journeys of weird emotions and crazy people; retro neon signs and skyscrapers; accidents and honest mistakes; life lessons misguided guilt.
And I’ll always remember my loved ones who have died. From one of my childhood best friends, to my grandparents, to my dad. I think about yall all the time. I am terrified I will forget their faces and our memories. I regret not creating more memories with them before they left me. How was I supposed to know that was the last time I would ever see them or speak to them? No way to know. Not the cliche “live each day like it’s your last” but more of a “don’t be afraid to fuck up and LIVE” type shit. That pretty much sums up my life.
I know I make choices that other people frown upon or judge me for doing so. I don’t jump in front of moving cars or eat poison berries or other crazy thing people think of when they think they’re “LIVING”. I am honest and open. Probably why I get my heart broken. Probably why it heals faster than others.