Sick Epiphany

I’ve been sick the past few days; in and out of work. The most disappointing thing is that I find myself caring about how many days I take off work and what people think of it. I’m a very hardworking supervisor and do way more than my job title requests. I get assigned extra tasks just because no one else in the office knows how to do it, or they know I’ll do it better than anyone else. There’s no reason I should feel ashamed or bad about taking days off due to being sick or my pregnancy.

But I do.

Earlier in my first trimester, I was wicked sick and asked my boss if I could work from home one day. He responded back saying, “That is fine. Don’t make it a habit”. That pissed me off so bad. Who was he to tell me something like that? Don’t make it a HABIT?! How about you don’t make it a habit to make me your work bitch! I’m sayin…I was livid and still get upset about it to this day, obviously. I responded by telling him next time I’ll just take a PTO day. Funny thing is, that day was awful and filled with so many escalations from our client. If I had taken a PTO day, he would have ended up calling me asking me for help like always. When I do take days off, he just calls anyway asking for help.

To avoid another conflict, I just try to tough it out at work when I feel bad and take few days off. I don’t want my boss’s boss to think I’m incapable of performing my job because I’m pregnant. It’s a stupid feeling, I know. But I can’t help it.

Being sick these past couple of days, I finally understand that I need to just do whatever I need to do to make myself better for my daughter. I’m literally her life support right now, and I can’t afford to stay sick. I left work early yesterday, didn’t go in today, and don’t know if I’ll be in tomorrow. And you know what? I don’t fuckin care.

Though I’m not feeling well, I still have time to do simple things like continue to learn about coding. Oh yea, by the way, I’m learning web development! I’ve always thought that kind of stuff was interesting, but now I’m balls deep in it. HTML & CSS have actually been fun to learn. On to Java now. It’s great to have something that actually challenges me and makes me use my brain. My current job is mindless shit shoveling. I’m over it. Coding isn’t a lifelong dream or what I’ve always wanted to do or anything. It’s just, if I’m going to have to have a j.o.b. to pay bills until my c.a.r.e.e.r. happens, it might as well be a more suitable job like coding rather than what I do now.

My career-personal life issues still exist, but I’m coping with it better. I of course wish that my music business career was off and blasting, but I am very happy to have a family. It kind of feels like I’m just now starting to live. One of my college friends text me the other day and told me congrats on everything in life and that she was very excited for me. She had no idea about me hating my job and that my music career was in shambles. All she saw were the happy posts of my fiance, my family, my belly bump updates, my new home, etc. She saw me living my life and creating a future, not necessarily job related future. She respected that and was very happy for me. The feeling I was overcome with is indescribable. I was proud of myself and genuinely happy. I know I need to feel that way all the time, blah blah, but you know what I mean. It was cool.

You know what else is cool? Feeling my daughter kick and move around in my belly. Nothing compares to the joy I get from knowing that there’s a little life inside of me, and she’ll soon be out and in my arms. The main reason I want to pursue a job in coding is that it will give me time to be home with her rather than in an office an hour away, 5 days a week. I’m working on it. Praying and believing that there are a lot of positive  changes coming my way; our way.


15 thoughts on “Sick Epiphany

  1. “How about you don’t make it a habit to make me your work bitch?” Sorry but that was funny!

    Damn I knew you was awesome. You code?!?! That’s what’s up. Are you learning through codecademy? I been coding on there on and off for years. I took too much time off and need to refresh. I was on html/CSS. Then JavaScript. This post inspired me to log back on in my account again and stay consistent.

    • lol that’s how I feel, man. Super work bitch.

      and yea I use Codecademy! I just upgraded to Pro today; actually working on some of the HTML/CSS projects that I wasn’t able to do on the free version. It’s stressful yet relieving at the same time, love it.

      • Super work bitch?!?! Yoooooo! Stop it! 😂

        Pro? You really are serious? Isn’t that a monthly fee? Thanks for the inspiration. There are people who have built apps because of this and even got jobs.

      • lol I’m gonna have to secretly record myself at work one day so yall can see

        and yea I’ve come to the realization that there are tons of job opps out there just waiting to be snatched up with even just a little html/css experience. I figure the 19.99 a month isn’t just an expense, more like an investment in myself and future. My favorite thing is that the learning is at my own pace, so if I want to go HAM this weekend, that’s a-ok lol

      • It is an investment. I figure that’s also your motivation to keep logging in or else you at risk of losing money when it’s tight. I thought that way when I was thinking about spending $20 a month for an Adobe product. I think you should start vlogging too especially something like on YouTube where you showing a journey of your pregnancy so your daughter can look back on.

      • yea I def will feel the pressure to get the use out of the money I spend on it. It’s like even Netflix, I try to watch SOMETHING on that mug every month to get my little 8 dollars worth LOL

        I hadn’t thought about vlogging. I take a pic of my belly every week (separate from the ones I post on Instagram) so it can show the growth. I also created an email address for her so we can email her videos, pics, whatever up until she’s 16 or something and then we’ll give her the password to the email account so she can see everything/memories

      • Lol. Yeah, i remembered reading that post about the email idea. Maybe I should buy Adobe so I can be encouraged to make more videos. Something to think about. Have you used your skills on your blog? You may want to look into Sublime Text to put your skills into use. I bought that years and STILL haven’t really used. Thing cost me $50 something.

      • haven’t used it on my blog yet but hoping to revamp it in a few weeks maybe. Nope haven’t used Sublime. I’ve just got …looks like a similar interface to Sublime. I’ll stick to the freebie we editor for now haha

      • Thanks for replying. I was asking because I liked it so much I started thinking of a web series for it. Just wanted to know was that just for your blog and were you going to do anything with it? If not, can I have it? Lol

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