A Chocolate Sasquatch Morning

Woke up this morning looking like a fuckin alien. Typical.

I hit the snooze like 4 times, and each time I closed my eyes afterwards, I thought about what I was going to wear. I go in the closet and look for that blue dress. I find it and it has a spot on it, like I dropped sauce from some orange chicken or something. Guess I’m not wearing that today.

I look up and see a skirt my mom gave me. Old lady dress up at it’s finest.

Fuck it.

I grab it and start digging in the baby pack-n-play in our room that’s been filled with clothes for months. There’s that black shirt.

I get dressed, decide on the grey flats for now and heels when I get to work. Hubby wakes up and holds me from behind, telling me I’m “looking like a snack”. He knows how to woo me.

I grab my Stella & Dot pearls and stud earrings and head to the bathroom. Fuck, there’s gold in this skirt and silver in my necklace. 

I tell the hubs, “I can’t wear this necklace, the zippers on this skirt are gold”. He looks at me like “damn girl, fix that shit”. I trained him well.

Into the bathroom I go and start brushing my hair and teeth (not at the same time, but that’d be tight as hell). I tell Hubs about my dream while he watches me and sits on the edge of the garden tub that I never use. Fuck, what time is it??

Out of the bathroom I run to grab some other jewelry, and it’s all tangled! I try to undo the hot mess, but have no luck. Hubs grabs it and tries. Don’t I have some other pearls? Yassss, B!

I tell him don’t worry about the jewelry as I grab some other ones. Of course, he continues to untangle them anyway.

A quick spray of perfume, grab some glasses, my badge, don’t forget your purse is in the living room, phone, kiss the gremlin on her cheek, now gtfo the room.

In the kitchen, I’m trying to find something for breakfast but only manage to grab water.

He’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth and I hear “Dadddyyy…daddyyyy…” in a sweet angelic voice! Ah, my babyyy is awake!

Back to the room now, give her a hug and tell her good morning. Kisses on her warm, chubby cheek just make my heart melt and burst in flames. I carry her to the door and tell Hubs to grab all of my shit for me. We start our goodbye routine, he pries her from my arms, blow kisses, “bye bye!”. Back the car out of the driveway.

Cruising to work, jamming to songs that I ‘can sing’, I’m wondering what I’ll have for breakfast and lunch today. Those chorizo and tortilla egg bites from Starbucks were on point yesterday. Wait, where is my makeup bag!?

I get on the highway and as I’m driving up the ramp, I see this beautiful orange glow. Like, gorgeous gorgeous. Is that the sun?

There are shades of pink and orange bouncing off the scattered clouds surrounding it. It looks like a big ball of fire! …. no shit, Sherlock; it’s the sun.

I look at the clock and realize I need to be a bit more timely and start to switch lanes into the fast lane. Mr. Audi A4, license plate CGW 9607 jumps in front of me! Yea, I’ve got a weird habit of memorizing license plates.

I get in the fast lane and press down a smidge harder on the gas pedal. Yea, now we’re cookin’.

I can still see the sun and it’s beautiful rays like a mad artist painting every car that passes it, reflecting unreal shades of “wow”.

There’s a metro bus blocking the turning lane…and of course I need to turn. I get in the other lane and turn, hoping I don’t see any flashing red and blue lights behind me afterwards.

I pull in to my parking spot at work and am pretty sure I didn’t hit the car to the left. I turn off the engine and happen to look out of my window on the left. omg, he’s in his car. I guess I didn’t hit his car, otherwise he’d be yelling at me.

I take a deep breath, and open the door.

Here we go…

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