Information Overload.

Sometimes I feel like I am just so overwhelmed with information. It’s like every time I get ‘stuck’ or have a hard time with something, I try to find the solution online somewhere.

I have a feeling I’m not the only one, but it’s hard to think beyond that.

Take sleep training the kids, for instance. We have had ups and downs with getting the kids to sleep in their own beds. I thought maybe if I bought some magical or perfect item off Amazon that had amazing reviews from other parents who swore by it; that would be the key to keeping them in their beds.

My dumbass failed to even think of my parents and their parents and their parents and so on. They didn’t have any of this shit!

But I bought it anyways. Several things. And at the end of the day, the only thing that proved to work was a combinations of bribes (For my daughter) and being consistent with returning them to their rooms after they’ve come into our room. Eventually they realized that no matter how many times they got up and came to mommy and daddy’s room, they always ended up right back in their room.

It was great, I felt accomplished. But it didn’t last very long, we got tired lol but at least we know what works.

I mean, sure; I still bought them some glow in the dark stars to put on their ceiling to see if that worked, too (jury’s still out).

I just wish I didn’t feel this automatic pull to Googling whatever issue I’m having and use my own creativity first. I used to come up with my own decor inspiriation all the time, but now I’m finding myself installing and uninstalling Pinterest every few days. It’s a tiring cycle I’ll tell you that lol

But even just admitting this is giving me some peace of mind and gaining back a bit of confidence that I kind of know some things and can manage on my own. Sure if I want to learn how to build rocket ships, I’ll watch a YouTube video. I’m just going to be a lot more conscious of what I rely on my on wits for vs the Googs.

Crazy Stupid Bromance Review

I finally finished Crazy, Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams. It was just as good as the first 2 books! This one was about the love story between Noah and Alexis.

Lyssa writes with such voice in her books; it’s hard not to visualize everything as a movie while you’re reading it. Seriously, from the posture of a person, to the small details of what was in their hand, she nails it all. Narrating the book from an omniscient point of view is genius, and I loved that about the first 2 books.

The book is a mixture of good storyline, action, drama, romance, and comedy. It was really, really hard to put it down after getting about 100 pages in. Not that the first few pages weren’t great, it was just damn near impossible at that point after to stop. I mean, I was taking the book with me to the restroom instead of my cell phone!

The way Lyssa develops each character is both witty and insightful. You connect with the characters through every book, building a deeper longing for them to get a win and learn something from their journeys. This book was nothing short of awesome, and I’d be happy to read it again. I’m looking forward to the fourth book, Isn’t It Bromantic!

I Got Wasted The Other Day

I’m not even going to lie, I was messed up. Like bad. I could hardly walk the next day I was so hungover lmao so what had happened was…

I was supposed to go out with some gal pals, but we rescheduled for another day, cool. I was already getting dressed, so I told my hubby “let’s go out”. He didn’t hesitate and got ready right away. Well…

While I was getting ready, I decided to have some of the Mai Tai pre-mixed drinks. These suckers are 12.5% alcohol.

I had 2.

Then my mom came over, the kids got settled, we left for the bar. Luckily we went to a bar that was 2 minutes away (I probably would have thrown up in my car).

While we were there, we had nothing but Green Tea shots and sipped beer. I don’t know exactly how many shots we had, but I don’t think it was excessive. I know I was twerking and dancing all over the place though.

So we leave that bar and hit up a country club right next to it; we walked across the street. We stayed there for maybe 20 minutes and I was like “We gotta go, I’m over it”. It was also my time of the month, so the fatigue was starting to do me nasty. It was late.

We get home and I’m fine until I take off my shoes and start to get ready for bed. I literally just start throwing up! I felt more sick than anything!

Looking back, I think the hookah that we smoked got me like that. It set me over, but had such a delayed effect. Suddenly, AT HOME, I was drunk. I threw up once that night and once again in the morning. The day after was freaking terrible lol I had zero energy!

I finally ate soup around 4pm that day and haven’t had any alcohol since, haha. I finally feel ready to have a glass of wine tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes!

✨SQUATCH

A New Flag for America

Macy Gray thinks we need a new flag for America to ‘represent all of us’. This comes after President Joe Biden aka Money Bag Joe, signed Juneteenth into law as a federal holiday.

Yeah, you read that right! Finally, after all these years, it’s a federal holiday!

Check out the article from NME about Macy Gray and see what she had to say about everything.

And if you’re unaware of what Juneteenth is, it’s the holiday the Black community celebrates to commemorate our Emancipation Day. See, slaves were free since Jan. 1, 1863 but news didn’t reach the South, specifically Galveston, until June 19, 1865.

For one, can you imagine being a slave and waiting for the day you’re free? And then find out that you’ve been free for 2 and a half years but continued to work as a slave?

Imagine the number of slaves who’s lives were lost during those 2 and a half years because they tried to escape or were disobedient.

It’s a lot to take in and is a hard holiday for me to stomach. I celebrate, because it’s such a huge milestone that the Southern slaves were finally free. It’s just also so sad and disheartening to know they had to suffer another 2 and a half years.

Stuff like that makes me lean harder on my heritage and Black community. I did a Juneteenth ride on Peloton yesterday, and I hit a new PR. The power, the rage, the something to prove, it all motivated me and gave me the strength.

So next year, on 6/19, be sure to either be silent and listen or shout at the top of your lungs in celebration; everyone has a part to play.

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I’m Almost at 100 Rides on Peloton!

Ok, this may not be a big deal to you, but I am absolutely freaking out right now! I have completed 96 rides on my Peloton bike.

I SAID NINETY-SIX RIDES!!

When I first started my Peloton journey, I really thought I was going to ride for about 3 months, lose a ton of weight and be done.

That’s not exactly what happened…

It’s been over a year now, and I’ve lost about 23 lbs but gained so much more muscle back. My legs used to be incredibly toned when I was…well…”pre-baby” weight. I lost a lot of muscle mass all around but especially noticed the lack therof in my legs.

Now, I’ve got some definition again! They’re toning up nicely, and my stamina is improving with every ride. I used to only barely be able to get through a 15 minute ride or less. Now I’m signing up for 45 min rides, and not feeling like the world is going to end afterwards.

I’m just so proud of where I’ve come and genuinely looking forward to where I’m going.

If you have a bike or ride, add me on the Peloton app! My username is AshTheWinosaur

All In A Day

Photo by Benjamin Suter on Pexels.com

Made a list and I’m checking it twice

Don’t give a fuck if I’m naughty or nice

Dismissing notifications like it’s my job

Rejecting anything that doesn’t make my heart throb

I’ve got some friends and haters around

Some creeps who watch and don’t make a sound

Some judges and council and everything in between

Some who understand exactly what I mean

Flashbacks and memories throughout the day

Remind me to appreciate what’s kept at bay

Waiting and lurking, circling in my head

Like the homeless sharks around cars asking for bread

Survived the unrelenting day yet again

In another 8 hours, the cycle will begin

All in a day, there’s only so much to do

Don’t waste it being anyone other than you

Bringing Back The Music

Confession:
I haven’t been making music nearly as much as I used to. In fact, music’s role in my life has been diminished to Spotify listening and watching The Voice.

[hopefully you watch The Voice and feel me on that one]

It’s a shitty thing to have to admit that something you’re so-called passionate about is actually an afterthought most of the day. I mean, that’s not to say that I don’t think about music a lot or want to create it and get involved again; it’s just not at the top of my list of priorities.

Like, I really really hate even saying…writing that outloud.

I have just had to focus my time and energy to other things like work and taking care of kids, other family things, side business things, working out, etc.

But all that shit is about to change.

I’ve got my handy dandy habit tracker ready, and I’m going to bring back the music in my life by creating or writing about music at least 15 minutes a day. I’m sure it’ll end up being longer than that, but I want to make sure I can at least devote 15 minutes to music a day.

Wish me luck; I might drop an album or something by the end of the year hahaha just kidding.

But I’m hoping to blog more about music and write or produce some songs for fun.

And if you’re having trouble with staying on track or starting a new habit and what to do the same as me, just Google “free habit tracker” and get’er done.

Where I stand

It shouldn’t surprise me anymore, but it always does, when people ask me for something waaaay out of their jurisdiction.

I don’t ask people for much, if anything at all. Maybe a “can you pick this up for me cause I don’t have time to get it” or something like that. But people find themselves asking me for 3 arms and a leg sometimes.

Like, we haven’t talked in a WHILE but you feel the courage to ask me for some money? And then volunteered yourself for more? To charge me for something I never asked you to do?

Well…

At least I know where I stand.

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Trust me, you’re not alone.

Sometimes people like to say, “oh I get it” and “yea girl, I hear you”, but they have no f*ckin idea what they’re talking about. How could they understand when you feel like a complete disappointment because both you and your kids have worn the same clothes for the past 3 days, and you barely remember to brush your own teeth?

I’m not saying none of them get it, but some of these broads are out here looking like magazine articles, putting up fronts, and acting like being a mom is cupcakes and roses.

Well, it’s not. More like shitty blowouts and weird mom rage.

I have a hard time accepting those moments of intense rage when I tell my 3 year old daughter to stop doing something to her 1 year old bro or to just be quiet while I’m on a conference call. I lash out and scream and am then filled with an unforgettable guilt for the way I behaved. I literally have a lump in my throat as I write this; how terribly was I?!

I told my husband and best friend about it, and they both assured me I wasn’t acting unreasonable and I should forgive myself. I still feel terrible, though! I’m supposed to be this knight-ess in shining armor for them; showering them with love, happiness, and got damn rainbows. How can I feel so dark inside sometimes?

It’s because…it’s normal. It really is. Being a mom doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, it means you have to deal with the irrational emotions and weird feelings sometimes. I have never once thought about harming my kids, but I have been so over-exhausted and blown out, I called my husband and told him I feel like just walking out of the house and waiting for him to get home. Of course I didn’t and wouldn’t do anything to put them in a bad or dangerous position. My point is that if you feel or think something that makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone and not abnormal. Of course if you feel like you might actually do those things, then talk to someone about it.

These are the things people don’t tell you when you’re pregnant. They tell you about the fun shit. Well, here’s the real: You’re going to be dirty. Angry. Confused. Proud. Tired. Tired. & f*ckin tired. Sad. Anxious. Terrified. Honored. Frustrated. Insecure. But above all, you’ll be so in love with the little creatures you created.

So put that hair up, pour that glass of wine, and let the day pass. You’ll get through it. At the end of the day, you always pull through. When it’s too much to take, lay the baby in the crib and take a breather. Or give your toddler a tablet or your cell phone for at least 20 mins of quiet time for you. Do what you have to do for your own sanity. Have someone babysit this weekend and GET OUT THE HOUSE.

Happy mommin.

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