Happy New Year

Happy New Year, readers!

Still no baby, yet. She is truly playing with our emotions! One day, she will feel super low and about to fall out. The next day, I don’t even feel pregnant anymore! I guess she is low key teaching me patience. Lord knows I could use some.

Stay safe in whatever you do today. Start those new year resolutions, and don’t give up on them! If you just got a gym membership, pay for a year’s worth of membership so you feel obligated to get your money’s worth. If you started reading the Bible more, get a friend who already has a good habit to read it with you and have them hassle you to keep you on track. Use your technology and tell your phone to remind you every day of what your resolutions are. Do whatever you can to safeguard them and complete them. You will feel so amazing come the end of the year and you reached your goals. Accomplishing goals is really a high. Good luck.

C.S.

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WTF I’ve Been Up To Lately

So yeah, I’m pregnant and engaged…and still working! What does that mean? I pretty much love and hate my life at the same time. I mean, it’s not that bad, but it could definitely be better [the work part I mean]. I just do not feel like getting up every morning, drive all the way to work, do some meaningless shit, get worn out, drive home, and try to have some kind of energy to take care of the other things in my life. Like preparing for Amora and planning my wedding!

Had a doctor’s appointment yesterday…ultrasound said she weighs 7lbs 3oz…fuck. I will be 38 weeks on Friday, so that means I could potentially have an 8 or 8 1/2 pounder. But get this: at my previous appointments, my doctor was telling me my pelvis is narrow. I can’t say I’m shocked, because my sisters’ pelvises are narrow as well. They had to get C-sections with all of their kids. I was/am optimistic that I’ll be able to push out my baby though. So my doctor ordered this ultrasound for me this past week. WELL, I went to the doctor on Tuesday for my ultrasound and appointment, and she wasn’t even there! The staff said she would be out for the rest of the week for an emergency.She wanted me to get this ultrasound so she could see how big she was and we can make some kind of game plan. Now I’m stuck waiting until I see her again on Jan 3rd. Mind you, my due date is Jan 13th, so we’ll see if I make it that far. Her head is down in my pelvis, but I don’t know if I’m dilated or anything since doc wasn’t there to check me. I could possibly have a baby tomorrow, no big deal.

Wedding planning has been great. I bought http://www.AshleyandJohnny.com so you’ll be seeing some lovely things pop up on there in the coming weeks. We also picked out our wedding bands! Super early, I know, but they were perfect. Fuck, I’m excited to literally spend the rest of my life with the man of dreams. I know that sometimes I don’t act like it [mainly due to hormones] but I am stupid in love with this man. 256 days until we say “I do”…

Christmas was great, as well. Johnny made a perfect turkey that my family and I can’t stop talking about. It was his first time, and it was the tits. I got some lovely gifts and spent time with family; can’t complain there. Oh, and that extra day off from work was phenom.

[I might, poooossibly be addicted to tracking my steps/fitness with this fitbit Blaze. Why is this shit so addicting? I’ve even got Johnny falling into the dark side lol. Do you have any kind of activity tracker or do you just use your cell phone? Or C: you don’t give a F about it?]

Some pictures are below in case you haven’t checked out my Instagram widget on the right!

 

I hope yall had a wonderful Christmas!

Agua de Vida

I have to admit…I’m a Fiji lover. And it’s a bit more serious than I thought!

I was at work yesterday, and I was so thirsty. I grabbed my cup and went to get some ice and fill up on some water from the fountain/jug. I got back to my desk and was very excited to down that mess. I took a long swig from my straw and nearly spit it all out on my computer. It tasted like I went outside, grabbed a damn water hose and filled my cup up and perhaps added a few chunks of soil for added flavor.

What the actual fuck.

I was so upset lol and then I thought to myself

Just go buy some bottled water from the vending machine…

Yea that was shortly followed by my realization that they don’t sell FIJI here! I was on the brink of going to the gas station to buy some Fiji water but realized it was about to be my lunch time anyway and waited.

I stopped by the gas station this morning and bought 2 bottles for today. My goodness…el agua de vida

Sick Epiphany

I’ve been sick the past few days; in and out of work. The most disappointing thing is that I find myself caring about how many days I take off work and what people think of it. I’m a very hardworking supervisor and do way more than my job title requests. I get assigned extra tasks just because no one else in the office knows how to do it, or they know I’ll do it better than anyone else. There’s no reason I should feel ashamed or bad about taking days off due to being sick or my pregnancy.

But I do.

Earlier in my first trimester, I was wicked sick and asked my boss if I could work from home one day. He responded back saying, “That is fine. Don’t make it a habit”. That pissed me off so bad. Who was he to tell me something like that? Don’t make it a HABIT?! How about you don’t make it a habit to make me your work bitch! I’m sayin…I was livid and still get upset about it to this day, obviously. I responded by telling him next time I’ll just take a PTO day. Funny thing is, that day was awful and filled with so many escalations from our client. If I had taken a PTO day, he would have ended up calling me asking me for help like always. When I do take days off, he just calls anyway asking for help.

To avoid another conflict, I just try to tough it out at work when I feel bad and take few days off. I don’t want my boss’s boss to think I’m incapable of performing my job because I’m pregnant. It’s a stupid feeling, I know. But I can’t help it.

Being sick these past couple of days, I finally understand that I need to just do whatever I need to do to make myself better for my daughter. I’m literally her life support right now, and I can’t afford to stay sick. I left work early yesterday, didn’t go in today, and don’t know if I’ll be in tomorrow. And you know what? I don’t fuckin care.

Though I’m not feeling well, I still have time to do simple things like continue to learn about coding. Oh yea, by the way, I’m learning web development! I’ve always thought that kind of stuff was interesting, but now I’m balls deep in it. HTML & CSS have actually been fun to learn. On to Java now. It’s great to have something that actually challenges me and makes me use my brain. My current job is mindless shit shoveling. I’m over it. Coding isn’t a lifelong dream or what I’ve always wanted to do or anything. It’s just, if I’m going to have to have a j.o.b. to pay bills until my c.a.r.e.e.r. happens, it might as well be a more suitable job like coding rather than what I do now.

My career-personal life issues still exist, but I’m coping with it better. I of course wish that my music business career was off and blasting, but I am very happy to have a family. It kind of feels like I’m just now starting to live. One of my college friends text me the other day and told me congrats on everything in life and that she was very excited for me. She had no idea about me hating my job and that my music career was in shambles. All she saw were the happy posts of my fiance, my family, my belly bump updates, my new home, etc. She saw me living my life and creating a future, not necessarily job related future. She respected that and was very happy for me. The feeling I was overcome with is indescribable. I was proud of myself and genuinely happy. I know I need to feel that way all the time, blah blah, but you know what I mean. It was cool.

You know what else is cool? Feeling my daughter kick and move around in my belly. Nothing compares to the joy I get from knowing that there’s a little life inside of me, and she’ll soon be out and in my arms. The main reason I want to pursue a job in coding is that it will give me time to be home with her rather than in an office an hour away, 5 days a week. I’m working on it. Praying and believing that there are a lot of positive  changes coming my way; our way.

Mr. Chocolate Sasquatch and Amora

That’s right. I’m getting married! Who would have thought?!
Ok, I mean, I’m not that awful where no one would want to marry me…but woo!

I also found out that I’m having a girl! Baby Amora. I set up an email address for her so her daddy and I can email her pictures, videos, and other sweet whatnots. We will give her the email address and password when she’s a teenager or something so she can look back on everything! Pictures, pictures, pictures is what everyone is telling me.

[good thing I’m so damn photogenic!]

I’m beyond excited for the things to come for my beautifully blossoming family.

THE RING:
the-ring

I’ve got to go spend some quality time with my fiance 😉 later dudes.

C.S.

8/25/16

Sometimes I feel like I am asking for the world on a platter when I’m really just asking for some common sense.
Thinking I’m a bitch or unreasonable is just your lack of understanding how I arrived to my conclusion.
Not saying that I am always right, but you just don’t make sense.

I sometimes picture the “what ifs and what if nots” and find myself lost in the scenes of a childhood memory.
More often than not, I’m trying to regain the strength to carry on with reality and consciousness.

What did I do?
Did I give up on a dream and settle for a nightmare?
A slow motion theatrical with characters who are unaware?

Forgive me for my forwardness and drastic rationality.
I never really understood the purpose of it all.

Birth Day

Yesterday was my birthday. A whole 25 years old now. 17 weeks preggers. Moving into our house in a week. I’ve got a lot to look forward to!

Been thinking about finding a job where I can just work from home. I’d make less money, but with our 2 incomes, we’d be completely fine. I’d rather spend more time with the baby than spend hours at a place I don’t care for. It’s funny, people have such opposing views on being a stay home mother. For the most part, people can respect a woman who makes the sacrifice to stay at home and take care of the baby.

Besides job soul searching, I’ve been busy getting things in order to move. So crazy that a few weeks ago, we didn’t even know where we were going to go! We had been looking for a bit and the previous house we liked and applied for ended up falling through. So when we found another house we liked that was only on the market for ONE DAY, we immediately applied and the deal was done the next day! I was freaking out up until we got that phone call saying we got the house. What a relief! I took off work the entire week after we move so I can get acquainted with the area, slowly unpack our things, and relax. The most important thing of all is to relax. I’m sure I’ll do some job hunting, too.

Time to do my nails since I’m refraining from going to the nail shop these days…